Despair vs. Truth

Where do I turn when I don't see God's love and care? 

What do I think when my heart is filled with the pain of watching my son pass away all over again in my mind's eye? 

What do I do when I get depressed over all the things I'm missing out on as a new mom? 

One thing that has been a huge help to me are Truth Statements. This idea came from my friend/ pastor's wife who has been giving me counsel since Jack passed away.
The goal is to have the Truth Statement and Bible verses so well memorized that when discouragement comes I can immediately combat it with truth from God's Word. 

This is not a band-aid fix. This is a battle. Someone once told me that if I can worry then I can meditate, and that worry is simply meditating on the wrong thing. So rather than looking at my seemingly depressing circumstances, I need to look at the Controller of my circumstances.

Here are some of my struggles along with Truth Statements and Bible verses that combat them. I hope they are a help.


  • My Struggle: If I only would have done something differently, then perhaps my son would have been born healthy or he would have survived.

  • Truth Statement: The loss of my son was not my fault. God chose to take care of him in heaven for His glory and our good.

"Jesus answered, 'It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.'" John 9:3
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.” Romans 8:28-30 


  • My Struggle: No one understands what I'm going through. No one knows the deep grief I feel. I'm all alone.

  • Truth Statement: I am not alone in my loss, I join the ranks of Hannah, Elizabeth, and the nameless, faceless women of Bethlehem at advent. In my grief I will feel alone, I will struggle to be comforted, but in the end I will know the fellowship of Christ's sufferings and I will be able to comfort others.

"A voice was heard in Ramah,weeping and loud lamentation,Rachel weeping for her children;she refused to be comforted, because they are no more.” Matthew 2:18
"For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." 2 Corinthians 1:5


  • My Struggle: I only had 9 months and 2 weeks with my precious boy. I will never see him again. This loss is too great to bear.

  • Truth Statement: God's gifts are to be treasured while we have them. I will treasure his gifts in his timing for a moment now and for an eternity to come!

“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 


  • My Struggle: This pain is too much. I can only find solace in myself (or burying myself in busyness or meditation or whatever I turn to for rest apart from God).

  • Truth Statement: My pain will push me somewhere. My pain needs to push me to God. 

“It was good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.” Psalm 119:71 


  • My Struggle: God has forgotten me. If God is in control, then He obviously doesn't care.

  • Truth Statement: In God, I believe I will find favor both now and forever. 

“I would have despaired, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13


  • My Struggle: My life is out of control. Being childless is not what I thought would happen. I thought I'd be rocking my baby to sleep. I thought I'd be pushing a stroller down the sidewalk like the mother I see outside my window. Sometimes my "mommy instincts" kick in and I freak out because I can't find my baby... then I remember. 

  • Truth Statement: My life may not be what I hoped or imagine it to be, but my God is sovereign.

The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9


  • My Struggle: Is God only good because He gives good gifts? I just saw a post by a friend who praises God because He healed her baby. Has God then abandoned me?

  • Truth Statement: I know God could've healed my baby Jack. Even though He chose not to, I will still serve Him. God has not abandoned us, and He is with us in the valley.

“If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” Daniel 3:17-18

As the struggles morph over time, my friend and I are adding more struggle-specific truth statements to help battle despair and embolden faith in Christ. I hope and pray these truth statements are an encouragement to someone out there. 
"Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all." Philippians 2:17

– Hummingbird 

*If you or someone you know is suffering or been through a great loss, I highly recommend seeking biblical counsel from a mature Christian.

1 comment:

  1. I, too, lost my first baby. She would have been 31 on Jan 17th of this year. All of the things you've said I've experienced and learned. It is still an unperfected process, but the fragrance in the valley is unforgettable.Now, I write Bible studies for women. And what I learned from losing Danielle fits into them perfectly. Look at Mary, mother of Jesus. She examples your idea of stating Bible truth. Luke 1:38. Thank you for declaring to all women that this is the Lord's way. I would love to put your blog link in my book. It expresses beautifully that lesson. Let me know.